I'm afraid of icicles.

I've been telling everyone I know that I'm afraid of being impaled by an icicle. In Seattle, snow is rare and icicles are even more rare than snow. But this last week, there has been a LOT of snow. People have been sledding down major streets, skiing to work, and snowshoeing to the grocery store. No joke. It's beautiful and strange. 

But the icicles frighten the ever lovin' love out of me. When I was eighteen, I visited my grandmother out on Fox Island. It's a little island off of Gig Harbor, which is a little city off of Tacoma. Anyway, a snow storm hit the city. It was one of those rare Seattle (read, WA) snow storms. 

We lost power for days. We made grilled cheese sandwiches, tomato soup, and tea using the fireplace. We slept around that heat maker at night, listening to the snow thaw. We spent our days playing cards and talking. It was great. It was one of the greatest disasters I've experienced.

But then, I heard about icicles. Big ones. They were falling from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge and smashing through windshields. This terrifies me. Can you imagine driving, very carefully, across a SUSPENSION BRIDGE after a snow storm, and getting almost all the way across....

Your legs are shaking, your hands are trembling, but you've almost made it. You can see the other side. There it is. You're almost there. Almost there. 

Then, BAM! A giant friggin' icicle smashes through your windshield and kills you. What a way to go.

So, yes. I am afraid of icicles. Those f-ers are sharp little spears and they aren't going to melt between the rooftop and your noggin'. Someone asked me about the possibility of being impaled by an icicle. I googled it. (Surprise, surprise.)

Here is what I found:

In Ploughkeepsie, N.Y. in 1897, a twenty-four year old man named William Hover --

Wait. His last name is Hover, for cryin' out loud. Here is the definition from the lovely people at Dictionary.com:

hov⋅er

    [huhv-er, hov-] Show IPA Pronunciation  

–verb (used without object)

1. to hang fluttering or suspended in the air: The [icicle, maybe?] hovered over the building.

Isn't that what icicles do? Hover? I mean, seriously. That's just creepy. Also, if you click the button above, the one that says "Hear", a voice will say hover. Do it a few times real fast. It's funny.

Anyway, Bill was leaving a warehouse and a TEN POUND icicle fell from the roof of the carriage factory and "cut his derby hat", leaving him with a nasty head wound. The wound was wearing clothes (it was dressed) and Bill went home in a sleigh. Seriously. Like a wounded Santa, minus the hat obviously. Anyway, he died of a concussion. 

Get the full story here.

So that's how possible it is people. One day your leaving the carriage factory and the next, your dead....because of an icicle. Listen, winter is pretty but it's frightening too. Be careful out there folks.