Retort.

I was searching the Internet today. This is something I do quite often, since I am better at looking things up than talking to other people. I like to google. That's the truth. 

Anyway, the googling....I found a website selling decorative urns. I may have even found the urn I want my cremated remains to, ahem, remain in. But this made me curious. How does cremation work?

The basics:

They remove your jewelry. 

They take out your pacemaker. It could cause an explosion.

They put you in a large cardboard box with a plywood bottom surface.

They warm up the cremation chamber and then send you in for an hour and a half to two hours. 

They pull out the ash and bone.

They use a machine that is a mix between a blender and a dishwasher disposal to create a consistent texture.

They seal you up in a plastic bag and send you home. 

My favorite part? The cremation chamber is often referred to as a "retort".

In the dictionary, one of the other definitions of retort, when used as a noun is: "a quick, witty, or cutting reply; especially: one that turns back or counters the first speaker's words".

Amazing.