Note to self.

All of these things I've been reminding myself of this week? You know, "say it" and "live like it's your last day" and all of that?

Totally didn't incorporate those things into my real life at all. I'm just sayin'.

I've got to read a poem on Tuesday and I wrote something to fit into the box of the theme and I hate it and I feel stupid about it and I totally didn't take any of my own good advice. Surprise.

I got together with some other poets today to practice. They made me realize that I wasn't telling the truth in my poem. Dang.

So I ask myself: Do I have time to start over?

If we look at the evidence presented by the Joan letter, the answer is a definitive yes. It doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to be true.

If we consider my perfectionist tendencies and the fact that I feel like I am exposing myself as a fraud every time I walk onto a stage, the answer is a definitive NO. It has to be perfect and the truth is subjective anyhow.

Sigh. I know what to do but I don't know if I can...you know...do it.

It might be revolutionary to read something messy.

It might change everything for me if I accept that I will be judged and I can let the judgement happen without trying to control it.

Hey.

Yeah.

Yes.